Emotional Chaos to Clarity - Exercise One

I've been reading the book Emotional Chaos to Clarity by Philip Moffitt with the Buddha Book Club run by my dear friend @DharmaApple.  Since I haven't been posting here much, and I have stuff that is too lengthy to post for twitter, I figured this might be a great place to post my process of working through the book.  This way, it will help me get back to writing here and - with any luck - perhaps it will help someone else discover some things that could help them on their own path from Emotional Chaos to Clarity.

Before I go any further, I should say a couple of things about my mindset going in to this book.  I like Phillip Moffitt a lot.  I discovered him one day while researching something and have followed him since.  I was very excited about his new book.  Once I saw what it was about, however, I admit to having a little trepidation.

I've read just about every self-help book & business productivity book on the market, I think!  When I started looking in to this book, it really seemed a lot like a business productivity book with a Buddhist slant (which makes sense given Mr. Moffitt's background.  He was a hugely successful business magazine editor before leaving that life and devoting himself to the dharma).  I thought a lot about this before beginning.  I had a lot of feelings of this book being too "self-helpy" for me.  I'm kind of done with those books.  Anyhow, after a great amount of consideration, I ultimately decided a few things:

• If I think I don't need clarity, that's probably a sure sign that I do.
• My thinking it is too self-helpy for me is probably me being judgmental.
• What do I have to lose? It's always good to refresh with a little "Don't Know" mind!

So, with that out of the way, I dug in to the book.  I am reading the eBook, and listening to the audio (only after reading it because a certain someone that rhymes with @SharmaFlapple says just listening to the audio is cheating!).  I'm actually really enjoying it this way, as it's a lot to soak in.  I'm reading it, and using that method for highlighting and study.  I'm going back to the previous chapters and listening to the audio after reading them, mostly just to soak in the info a little more, maybe pick up on some bits I didn't catch on my read.  I'm also doing the exercises in the book along the way.  

Often when I read books that have exercises in them, I either don't do them, or I do them randomly or maybe after reading.  This time, because it's part of the club and because we have plenty of time allotted for it, I'm doing them as I go.  Also, I heard early on that if you want to truly get the most out of the book, you needed to do the exercises.  So here goes....

Chapter 1 - Beginning Your Journey To Clarity - Exercise

After opening the exercise section with the above paragraph, Phillip Moffitt goes on to describe how he wants you to perform this basic, daily, mindfulness meditation.  Since I started my practice with basic mindfulness meditation, and return to it always as my primary practice, I am very familiar with how to do it.  Because of that, when I first read this exercise I blew it off as basic instruction that I already know how to do.  I posited that since I do this routinely already, there is no need for me to do this first exercise.  After reading several chapters, I started seeing the wisdom in approaching the book with the proverbial "beginners mind".  I went back and spent a couple of weeks of practice on this one.

Instead of just repeating the basic mindfulness meditation instructions here verbatim, I will just summarize.  But I highly recommend reading it, paying close attention to it, and spending a couple of weeks at least with just this practice - regardless of your current level of practice.

The author says (in a nutshell) to:

• Start by finding a comfortable place and position.
• Feel your body and recall your intention to be mindful.
• Notice tension in the body and relax with a few breaths.
• Turn your full attention on your breath and let it be your anchor throughout.
• Spend some time noticing all of the places in the body you feel the breath and find the easiest to stick with.
• When you mind wanders - and it will - return to the breath.  Do Not Judge!
• While following the breath, note the characteristics: Short, long, deep, shallow, etc.
• If your mind really gets stuck in planning - comment to yourself on what it is doing "Planning, planning" or "remembering, remembering"
• Be patient, be kind to yourself and start over.
• Start over.
• Start over.
• You get the idea.

He ends the first exercise instruction with this deeply important and (seemingly) mundane paragraph.  Read it several times and consider its importance:

I don't have anything remarkable to report with this exercise.  As I said, I do this all the time and it's a standard part of my practice.  If you have been reading my blog for a couple of years, you already know the profound impact this kind of basic meditation had on me.  It continues to do so.  The only important message I have for you on this first exercise is to DO IT!

If I were to boil it down even further than I did here, it would be like so:

• Sit
• Breathe
• Notice
• Start over, if you need to.
• Don't judge.

Sounds SO very simple, and it totally is.  But you have to do it long term, daily - even if only briefly - to realize the full benefit.  But you will, if you do.

I hope this helps.  It gets on to other much more (seemingly) interesting stuff, so stay tuned!

Warm regards,
MS

2012 State of the Samu Address

Previously on MondoSamu.com:

2010: I weighed 349 pounds.  I read "Savor" by Thich Nhat Hanh and Dr. Lilian Cheung.  I surprisingly, and rather effortlessly,  lost 110 pounds in 11 months by applying it's Mindful Eating, Mindful Living principles. Through "Savor" I was introduced to Buddhism.

2011: Having lost 110 pounds, I plateaued at around 240 and have stayed right around there.  I've continued my healthier lifestyle, as well as my Buddhist practice.  I had hoped to get some health matters handled such as getting a full physical, but I have found many excuses to postpone that one.

2012: And now, the rest of the story....

So, while I failed to do a couple of medical/health things I wanted to this year (so far) I'm extremely pleased with how my year has gone regarding my health and practice.  I am disappointed that I didn't blog more, and I apologize for that to those who enjoy reading here.  I'll try to do better this year.

First, in terms of my health - which is kind of the main focus of why I started this blog - let me update you there, as it's the short part of the story.  As I mentioned, I've leveled off and unless I reduce my food, or increase my exercise, I guess I'm done losing weight.  I still have a goal to lost about 20-30 more pounds, and I will definitely be focusing on that this year. (See the end of this article for my intentions for the coming Samu year)  As for me, I feel GREAT, and I'm happier than ever!  So health is doing well, and I WILL get the doctor stuff handled this year.

Now...the biggest thing that happened in the last year, and the reason for me not blogging as much, is the incredible deepening of my practice.  I said I was going to do it, but I had no idea how deep I would get with it!

First off, I used to post book reviews of various Dharma Books here.  I intended to continue that, and I still hope to do so.  The problem is that I got so deep in to reading them that I have read DOZENS, and before I knew it I was so far behind writing about them that I felt I didn't even really know where to begin.  I'll try to rectify that this year too!  They're one of the most helpful things on the blog I think.  So there was that.

Next, there was the plethora of Sangha's I visited in my travels.  I had the great and distinct pleasure of spending many sits in the presence of numerous loving and welcoming Buddhist Sangha's all over the country.  It was humbling, gratifying and helpful.  So helpful, in fact, that I finally launched one in my area!

After nearly a year of effort, I finally got enough people and resources together with a like mind to launch the Two Hands Sangha.  As a part of that Sangha, we have a steady Mindfulness Meditation Group that meets once per week.  It's hosted in the lovely home and garden of one of our members, and has been a great benefit to all involved, I think.  That progresses well.  I still want to have a secondary group, with a more Buddhist focus (as opposed to the more general Mindfulness group) but it will come.

Aside from the Sangha effort, I've also decided to start attending retreats.  I started getting serious about it, and all of a sudden, a couple of options for a 4 day Memorial Day Weekend retreat popped up.  One in the Thich Nhat Hanh tradition and one in the Against The Stream/Theravadan tradition.  I struggled over both as I love the teachings in each, but ultimately my wife prompted me to do the ATS retreat in Joshua Tree, CA when I shared my thoughts with her.

Joshua Tree, CA - ATS Memorial Day Silent Retreat

I was concerned about the extra time a California retreat involves (an extra day on each end for travel) and a few other things, but I explained to her that I wanted to do whichever one would challenge me the most.  After telling her all about it, she wisely (and lovingly) suggested I do the ATS one.  She was right! I'll do a separate post all about that retreat, but it was definitely the right choice.  While I love the Thich Nhat Hanh tradition, I think the effort I had to put in definitely made the ATS retreat more rewarding.  Anyhow, now that I got my feet wet with a 4 day, I've cleared the way to attend a week or so each year.  I'm really looking forward to that.

As a direct result of the retreat, I also FINALLY went full Vegetarian!!  I was lingering in the meat eater world because I couldn't get rid of chicken, but the exquisite vegetarian food and mindful eating on retreat finally gave me the strength and clarity I needed to push the rest of the way over.  I've been veg-only since May 24th!

Last, but certainly not least, I've had the incredible fortune this year to meet some of my Online Dharma friends in the real world and grow closer to that online Sangha.  I hope, in the near future, to write a post all about that Sangha (or #Twangha as I hashtag it on Twitter), but suffice it to say that I deepened my connections to that Sangha and it has had many, varied rewards for me.  This year I was fortunate enough to hang out in the "real world" with the likes of @DharmaApple (who attended the retreat I was on and has turned out to be a great friend), @Jacklope (One of the nicest guys ever, whom I consider a dear brother and friend, and even teacher at times), @MindOnly (a wonderful human being, if ever I've met one) and many, many more.....too many to mention them all here.  But that's been one of the greatest things for me. I've developed these deep, wonderful friendships thoroughly through the Dharma and it's SO rewarding in so many ways.  I'll explore some of that more in my future post on the matter.  In a couple of weeks, I'll be meeting an online Twitter friend who has already become like a sister to me, @KittyDew, and I can't WAIT for that!

I'm sure, after such a lengthy absence, I'm leaving something out, but I think that's enough for now.  SO...

My intentions for the next 12 months or so are:

• Remain vegetarian. 
• Attend a 7-10 day retreat!
• Continue to deepen my practice.
• Establish better personal health care (routine Doctor and Dentist visits)
• Re-Read Savor AGAIN and see if bringing a little focus back on to it will shed that last 20!
• Cultivate two personal, long-range, Dharma-work-related projects in the right livelihood area that I've in mind! (Ooooh, secret-y!)

So that's it.  I hope you'll hang with me in the coming year, as I explore even more!

_/\_

#RealHappiness 28 Day #MeditationChallenge 2012 - Review

Late in January, I decided that I would participate in the 2012 Real Happiness 28 Day Meditation Challenge after telling a host of friends that the Real Happiness book by Sharon Salzberg was a great way to help them start a daily practice but watching them struggle to do so. I figured it would help motivate them if they had a little company from someone they knew who was directly participating.

Having been practicing for almost two years now, and having read the Real Happiness book previously, I didn't think it was going to do much for me to participate in this thing. What I found was that just reading the book and actually participating in the challenge are two very different things!

From what I observed, this is for two reasons:

1) Doing is better than reading! I had read the entire book and had even practiced many of the methods or - more accurately - something close to them. The difference, this time, was doing them in a daily, planned fashion with guidance. This structure, I feel, translated to a lot of insight and benefit that I didn't expect. The challenge aspect and this structure compelled me to want to track my effort by writing about it.

The second reason I think the results of the month of dedicated practice was such a surprising help was...

2) Responsibility. The commitment to participate in the challenge and, more importantly, to write about it publicly gave me a sense of responsibility that helped me stay at it. While I already practice daily and don't require any additional motivation to practice, I think that writing about it daily made me stick strictly to the books practices rather than settle for ones I might prefer normally.

These two things provided a sort of motivation loop that kept running on its own steam, one step feeding the other, perpetually. So much so, that I'm a little sad to see it stop! But, then, that's a good reason to remember the most important lesson the month had to offer:

Start over!

#RealHappiness - Day 27 - Circle of LovingKindness

This one was the only meditation in the book that I found a little alien and uncomfortable. The only reason was this idea of imagining yourself at the enter of a circle of the most loving beings you can think of. I think the first clue that I need to practice in this manner was this uncomfortable feeling. The second was the very telling fact hat I had a hard time thinking of who would form this circle. The first couple were easy. Siddartha Gautama, Thich Nhat Hanh, The Dalai Lama and so on. I added a few other leaders of the world who were known for their compassion. They were easy because there aren't many. Then, I thought I would add some I knew personally. That's when the discomfort returned.

It's very easy to imagine the cheerful smile and goggly glasses of HHTD wishing me well, but when I thought of some of the people closest to me, I didn't think I could imagine them being purely loving toward me. This is disturbing because there are certain people you should be able to automatically count on for unconditional love. Right?!

The first sign of trouble was when my Dad popped to mind but my Mom didn't. I won't divulge the list, in it's final form, here but it was interesting enough that it bears my returning to it later to practice the LovingKindness meditations on the folks who didn't make the cut! ;-)

With my list complete, I settled in and began with breath meditation and some Metta phrases for myself. After a bit, I imagined the people of the circle giving me their full attention and loving regard. Some of those people are some of you reading this now. I envisioned the easiest one first. Sid. Can't imagine him having anything but loving regard for anyone, right?! Then Thich Nhat Hanh, HHTD and so forth.

You choose three or four phrases like the ones we've been using to have these beings offer to you. These should be big, broad phrases in their scope. Then imagine the beings in the circle offering you these phrases with all of their regard and love. I chose these:

May you be free of suffering.

May you be happy.

May you be at ease.

May you be at peace.

May you love and be loved.

The book warns that this may be uncomfortable, but I didn't find it so. Then it says to let whatever emotions arise pass through you without pursuing them. This is a little harder, but still was fairly comfortable for me, perhaps because of my daily practice. Perhaps it would be more difficult if I didn't already have a daily practice in place.

Simply practice this receiving of love from people wishing you love for as long as you like and when you are ready, you end the practice.

With this beautiful and simple practice, I brought the practices provided for the Real Happiness 28 Day Meditation Challenge to a close. Tomorrow I will practice a core sitting meditation while reflecting on the month.

_/\_

#RealHappiness - Day 26 - Lovingkindness While Walking

The practice Sharon provides for LovingKindness While Walking is a very simple instruction. Simply walk as you would for a walking meditation but instead of focusing on the movement of our steps and the breath, we focus on repeating phrases of LovingKindness to ourselves.

 

May I Be Peaceful. May I Be Happy. May I Be Safe.

 

As we walk, part of our attention will fall on our thoughts and part will fall on our surroundings. We can start by repeating the LovingKindness phrases for ourselves. As we go along, thoughts of other people may arise, perhaps someone we love or someone we have conflict with. When they do, offer them the phrases altered for them, then return to yourself.

 

May You Be Peaceful. May You Be Happy. May You Be Safe.

May I Be Peaceful. May I Be Happy. May I Be Safe.

 

Practice in this way as long as you like or for the duration of your walk. That's it!

 

Last weekend, when I performed this practice, I was out of town visiting friends. As I've mentioned, this trip provided a plethora of opportunity for various LovingKindness practice, much insight and some real healing and deepening of my understanding of this practice.

 

One such example was when I had the opportunity to walk with one of my old friends whom I had great difficulty with. During the walk, we talked a lot. When we weren't talking, I used the quiet to mentally offer us each the phrases above. Then, when conversation came, I found myself warmed to the task and able to talk openly about our past, our present, our families and so on with an open heart and warmth. It was really great for both of us. I highly recommend this practice. It's good for you inside and out, physically and mentally!

 

 

#RealHappiness - Day 25 - Quieting The Inner Critic Meditation

Over the weekend I had the pleasure of reuniting with a group of old friends to visit an ailing mentor. These relationships are sort of a second family. They've spanned nearly three decades. They've experienced many forms of joy and suffering over that time, and worst of all great periods of non-relationship.

 

So it was that going in to the weekend, there were a couple of situations that I was concerned about having to deal with. One in particular was difficult to name, but I've narrowed that emotion down to selfishness on my part. It's deeper than that really. Much deeper. But in the end, I'm being selfish.

 

We've had seem unskillful interactions recently. There was an exchange that turned from him showing great disrespect to me, which led to unskillful banter. That led to anger on my part for his lack of mutual respect and understanding. That led to forgiveness on my part, which took some serious practice. Upon raising the white flag with him, and telling him I loved him, he promptly fired another shot in that verbal war. The proverbial last word, if you will, at which point my forgiveness turned to a selfish desire to be understood and accepted by him. At some point I hope to write about Uppekha, which has been a huge practice when working with people like this, but that's not how I worked with my feelings on this occasion. On this occasion, I practiced "Quieting The Inner Critic".

 

As this meditation can be practiced in any position which is comfortable, I chose a lying down position which was more convenient to my housing at the time. I called to mind a difficult emotion - in this case the selfish need to be understood by my old friend - and I watched how I felt about this selfishness. I clearly had the feeling, along with the selfishness, that I was bad for feeling this way.

 

Per this practice, I then changed my way of viewing this as "bad" to viewing it as "painful". Once I was able to regard this feeling as painful, I was able to cradle it and show some compassion for it. As I'm accustomed to doing this with pain from my studies of Thich Nhat Hanh, who is known to talk of treating ones pain as a mother treats her newborn child when it cries, I found this fairly easy to imagine. I invited the pain of my pride, which selfishly wanted to be understood, to relax. I acknowledged it was there, said hello to it and that I loved it and appreciated it for what it was there to accomplish. I did some more practice, I won't go in to here, in the way I'm familiar with from Thich Nhat Hanh and eventually watched as this pain eased and dissipated.

 

Once dissipated, I was left simply loving my friend and feeling a little sad for him. I was left thinking I need to practice some Mudita for him and grow this sense of happiness I was starting to feel for him being comfortable with his beliefs. I realized that I really don't need to be understood or respected by him I order for me to love him and respect his beliefs.

 

When you practice this, in the end, please pay close attention to the words of. Sharon Salzberg at the end of her instruction around it:

 

"Reflect again on the fact that you aren’t able to prevent negative feelings from arising. You don’t need to be overcome by them, defined by them, to act on them or feel ashamed if you have them. This is just in the nature of things."

 

_/_

 

#RealHappiness - Day 24 - "Seeing The Good" Meditation

For this practice, we settle and and focus on the breath, then begin by thinking of something good that we have done recently.  Maybe we helped someone out who needed it, or we were kind to someone else.  Nothing big, necessarily, just an act of kindness for another.  We might say to ourselves:

"All beings want to be happy, may they be happy."

Next call to mind a person who has helped you in the past.  Someone who has done you a kindness when you needed it.  The repeat the saying:

"All beings want to be happy, May they be happy."  

Repeat the practice in this way, bringing up someone who's having a tough time, and see a time where maybe they have helped someone else.  Call to mind someone you have had direct conflict with and try to see a way in which they really are a good person and not the bad person you have built a story around.  After each person comes to mind, repeat that phrase. 

"All beings want to be happy, may they be happy."

The point of this method (as I see it) is to glimpse that there might be more to things than we typically see and to learn to water the good seeds instead of the bad.  The habitual practice of labeling these things as "bad" has the effect of watering the bad seeds in us.  This practice helps us begin to break that habit and use that "water" to grow the good seeds in our "Store Consciousness".

Human nature, or more accurately the human ego, is such that people tend to think everything is black and white, that all people are either good or bad.  We say to ourselves "He did me wrong, so he's a jerk" but really there's more to that person than that one act.  He might have been a jerk to you, but his kids might think he's a great father.  Or perhaps he treats his best friend very well, and you just aren't that friend.  Maybe that family member who has mistreated your family is extremely kind and helpful to some other family.

I'm always reminded, when talking about this sort of thing, of the old 80's Boston based Funk-Metal band Extreme.  They put out a concept album called Three Sides To Every Story.  There were three distinct styles on each of the "Sides" of the record titled "Yours", "Mine" and "Truth".  People are not actually all "Bad" or "Good".  The reason I like that so much is that it points to the fact that "Yours" is how your mind sees things.  "Mine" is how my mind sees things.  But the truth...well, that lies somewhere between the other two and is really a combination of them both and so much more.  This touches on the Store Consciousness I spoke of yesterday.  We each have good seeds and bad seeds, and the ones that grow are the ones that we water. 

A friend of mine recently told me she couldn't meditate because her mind won't still.  I responded that her mind has been practicing wandering for hundreds of thousands of hours, non-stop.  It's only practiced letting go for a couple of dozen.  It takes time, and it takes effort.  And it takes watering the good seeds.  Seeing the good.

_/\_