M.E.A.L.S. - Mindful Eating And Living Sangha

In 2010 I started this blog to capture my process of learning about Mindful Eating and Mindful Living (from the book Savor - Mindful Eating, Mindful Living by Dr. Lilian Cheung and Thich Nhat Hanh).  I lost over a hundred pounds, and became a vegetarian, and a Buddhist.  All of which have dramatically enhanced my life and, hopefully, some of the lives I touch.

Once the weight came off, and stayed that way, I kind of drifted away from this blog.  That’s mainly because I had written primarily about my weight loss and not so much about Buddhism.  When my life focus turned from weight loss to maintaining weight and exploring buddhism, I didn’t feel I had as much to write about.  Or, more accurately, I didn’t feel qualified to write about the things I was deeply experiencing at the time.  I was in a deep period of learning and exploration (and I still am) but over these past few years I’ve started a couple of Buddhist Sangha’s and participated or helped run several other groups of various kinds and I’m sort of feeling like I’ve come a bit full circle in a way.  I feel like if I re-read Savor (this will be something like my 4th time) I’ll get a whole different perspective on it now that I’ve been a Buddhist practitioner for a handful of years and because I learn best when I'm explaining or teaching others.

This time, I’m not only practicing the teachings from the book, but I’m helping others do the same.  I’m starting a group, local to me, that will study the book.  Sort of like a book club, but deeper than that.

I'm calling it M.E.A.L.S. - Mindful Eating And Living Sangha.  And I’m extremely pleased to have the support of Dr. Cheung as I launch this effort.  She’s always been supportive of my efforts personally, and when she heard that I was thinking of this, she offered some guidance and some incredibly kind words of support.

The year-long group will meet every other week and will:

• Recite the Five Contemplations
• Share a Mindful Eating Experience
• Read and discuss the book Savor
• Practice Mindful Movement

My hope is that this year-long grassroots-group exploration will deepen my own practice further, help others establish mindfulness as a way of healthy living, and - hopefully - encourage them to go out and spread the practice through starting similar groups the following year, and so on.  If successful, it could see a viral growth since those who complete the year, may hopefully create groups of their own and repeat the process, again and again.

I’ll try to get back to posting here along the way to track the progress of this endeavor.  When it’s done, I hope that this blog can serve as a blueprint for those who wish to replicate this process.

Best wishes!
_/|\_

Every Body Needs A Second Body

Thich Nhat Hanh often talks about how a monk or nun has a second body.  Another monk or nun they are responsible for helping and keeping track of.  He says just as we must always take care of our own body, help it, love it, care for it when it needs attention....we must also have a second body in the Sangha to watch after and care for as if it were our own.  In this way the monks and nuns of plum village never have to worry that they will go unnoticed or be forgotten when they forget to take care of themselves, or when they need attention and cannot, or don't know how to, ask for it.

The first time I read this I thought "What a beautiful idea!" That's such a sweet and thoughtful thing in a Sangha.

In my own Sangha(s), particularly in the various virtual Sanghas, I quite often see people who,  for one reason or another, will lapse in to some type of shame or depression and then withdraw from the community.  In the simplest terms, it goes like this....they fall in to a depression (sometimes because of a relapse of whatever suffering they live with or just because), they stop posting to social media, they stop texting their friends, they stop chatting and so forth.  The less they chat and communicate with friends, the more they feel bad about themselves.  The more they feel bad about themselves, the more shame they heap on top of themselves.  The more shame they heap on top of themselves, the harder it is for them to re-establish communication because they are afraid of the shame and embarrassment.  Next thing you know, weeks or months have gone by and people start noticing "hey, I haven't seen so and so post in ages, I wonder if they are OK."

In the world of social media such comings and goings are so common and frequent that they aren't noticed that much.   Eventually, the person snaps out of it, if we're lucky, and they suddenly resurface. Things go back to normal.  Until the next time.

When I see these people come back, I often ask what happened.  The answer is always the same, or at least a variation on the theme.  See above.

Not suffering from depression myself, I have always had difficulty understanding it.  But I've seen it happen so often to so many of my dear friends whom I love very much, that it bothers me greatly.  I always want to help.  I want to fix it. But I can't.  The one thing I do know about depression is that there isn't much that I can do for someone who suffers from it.

I've spoken to several teachers about it, and the answer has been pretty much the same every time.  Just be there waiting for them when they return, with open arms and an open heart.  Accepting of them and of what they have gone through.  Don't try to push them to fix it....just show them that you love them and welcome them back.  When they show back up, it means that they are already fixing it.  They've already began the climb out again.  All you have to do....heck, all you CAN do....is show them through your actions that you were there for them the whole time.  Welcome them back to the world, as it is.  Allow them to return and not walk in to the arms of more shame and embarrassment.  Welcome them back to your heart, open and beaming with happiness to have them.  It may seem like inaction on your part, but it's actually the greatest action you can commit on their behalf.  Acceptance.

This is great advice, and really the only option that I know of.  But I think that there is one more thing we can do for one another in these situations,  I think that if we each have a second body, then there would be no being left behind, so to speak.  Take a look at your own Sangha and make sure everyone has a second body.

This isn't new...if you've ever dealt with recovery circles then you now that this sounds a lot like a sponsor.  If you have Joe, Sally, Bob, and Sue in your Sangha then it might look like this:

• You look after Joe
• Joe looks after Sally
• Sally looks after Bob
• Bob looks after Sue
• Sue looks after you.  
• When a new member comes in to the Sangha, Sue shifts to looking after that person and that person starts looking after you.  

In this way, everyone always has someone in the community who knows how they are doing that week or that day.  Knows where they are, what they are going though, how they are feeling.  It's not a difficult task, you just check in on them with a quick call or text now and then and see how they are feeling, catch up,  see how they've been.

When you do this regularly, you will kind of get a feel for whether they are having troubles or not and whether they are being open about it.  Remember that it's not your job to prevent them from having troubles, or to fix them.  It's not your job to do anything at all.  It's your privilege to care about them.  To know when they are having challenges and just be there for them so that they KNOW you are there for them.  And the greatest gift for them will be that you don't judge them for their suffering.

This won't solve the problem.  I don't know that it is a problem that can be solved,  I do know that it's a beautiful practice that can only bring about good in a community.  And it doesn't have to be limited to your Buddhist Sangha....this can be expanded to include all people.  In the end, after all, we are one big Sangha.

_/\_

#RealHappiness 28 Day #MeditationChallenge 2012 - Review

Late in January, I decided that I would participate in the 2012 Real Happiness 28 Day Meditation Challenge after telling a host of friends that the Real Happiness book by Sharon Salzberg was a great way to help them start a daily practice but watching them struggle to do so. I figured it would help motivate them if they had a little company from someone they knew who was directly participating.

Having been practicing for almost two years now, and having read the Real Happiness book previously, I didn't think it was going to do much for me to participate in this thing. What I found was that just reading the book and actually participating in the challenge are two very different things!

From what I observed, this is for two reasons:

1) Doing is better than reading! I had read the entire book and had even practiced many of the methods or - more accurately - something close to them. The difference, this time, was doing them in a daily, planned fashion with guidance. This structure, I feel, translated to a lot of insight and benefit that I didn't expect. The challenge aspect and this structure compelled me to want to track my effort by writing about it.

The second reason I think the results of the month of dedicated practice was such a surprising help was...

2) Responsibility. The commitment to participate in the challenge and, more importantly, to write about it publicly gave me a sense of responsibility that helped me stay at it. While I already practice daily and don't require any additional motivation to practice, I think that writing about it daily made me stick strictly to the books practices rather than settle for ones I might prefer normally.

These two things provided a sort of motivation loop that kept running on its own steam, one step feeding the other, perpetually. So much so, that I'm a little sad to see it stop! But, then, that's a good reason to remember the most important lesson the month had to offer:

Start over!

#RealHappiness - Day 27 - Circle of LovingKindness

This one was the only meditation in the book that I found a little alien and uncomfortable. The only reason was this idea of imagining yourself at the enter of a circle of the most loving beings you can think of. I think the first clue that I need to practice in this manner was this uncomfortable feeling. The second was the very telling fact hat I had a hard time thinking of who would form this circle. The first couple were easy. Siddartha Gautama, Thich Nhat Hanh, The Dalai Lama and so on. I added a few other leaders of the world who were known for their compassion. They were easy because there aren't many. Then, I thought I would add some I knew personally. That's when the discomfort returned.

It's very easy to imagine the cheerful smile and goggly glasses of HHTD wishing me well, but when I thought of some of the people closest to me, I didn't think I could imagine them being purely loving toward me. This is disturbing because there are certain people you should be able to automatically count on for unconditional love. Right?!

The first sign of trouble was when my Dad popped to mind but my Mom didn't. I won't divulge the list, in it's final form, here but it was interesting enough that it bears my returning to it later to practice the LovingKindness meditations on the folks who didn't make the cut! ;-)

With my list complete, I settled in and began with breath meditation and some Metta phrases for myself. After a bit, I imagined the people of the circle giving me their full attention and loving regard. Some of those people are some of you reading this now. I envisioned the easiest one first. Sid. Can't imagine him having anything but loving regard for anyone, right?! Then Thich Nhat Hanh, HHTD and so forth.

You choose three or four phrases like the ones we've been using to have these beings offer to you. These should be big, broad phrases in their scope. Then imagine the beings in the circle offering you these phrases with all of their regard and love. I chose these:

May you be free of suffering.

May you be happy.

May you be at ease.

May you be at peace.

May you love and be loved.

The book warns that this may be uncomfortable, but I didn't find it so. Then it says to let whatever emotions arise pass through you without pursuing them. This is a little harder, but still was fairly comfortable for me, perhaps because of my daily practice. Perhaps it would be more difficult if I didn't already have a daily practice in place.

Simply practice this receiving of love from people wishing you love for as long as you like and when you are ready, you end the practice.

With this beautiful and simple practice, I brought the practices provided for the Real Happiness 28 Day Meditation Challenge to a close. Tomorrow I will practice a core sitting meditation while reflecting on the month.

_/\_

#RealHappiness - Day 16 - Night of the Living Chi

Thursday, the 16th day of the #RealHappiness #MeditationChallenge, was my Tai Chi Class day. I went home after work, had dinner with the family and then headed out for Tai Chi. I didn't really want to go. I wanted to stay home in the quiet and read a book. That's how I knew I HAD to go. So I did.

 

I had a great class and then hit the cushion as soon as I got in the door at home. Normally, I would sit around for a bit first, maybe have some yogurt first. But this time I hit the cushion right away. And I was so glad I did!

 

My core meditation practice was extraordinarily calm and connected! I settled in quickly. Because, presumably of my Tai Chi, I was more calmed already than normal and certainly was more stretched out that I normally am before coming to the mat.

 

I floated (for that's the best way I can describe it) in my meditative state of awareness for the entire time. I was very...un-distracted...or...present I guess. It was fantastic in its non-remarkableness.

 

Anyhow, that was it...nothing terribly amazing to report and nothing troubling. This sit was exactly what most people probably think meditation is all about. Blissful. I hate to even say that word, because of the cliché connotation of it, but it was. Meditation, especially when you're new to it, is rarely like this I think. At least I don't know anyone who claims it to be so that isn't trying to sell you something to help you achieve it! It does happen though, and it is certainly enjoyable when it does. Just don't get attached to it!

 

See you tomorrow!

 

_/_

 

 

#RealHappiness - Day 15 - The Benefits Of Practice

Wednesday I practiced walking and sitting meditation.  For my sitting meditation I simply practiced my core meditation and it was as mundane and wonderful as usual.  But, I'd rather tell you about my walking meditation from that day.

It was unseasonably beautiful out on Wednesday in Atlanta.  I took full advantage and made sure I carved out the time for extra walking outside.  I got home, changed and hit the streets of my neighborhood.  I was filled with gratitude for the great weather and neighborhood walk, but I was also extremely happy to be getting back to my routine which has been sporadic lately due to travel and weather.

The subject of enlightenment is one of those strange topics that make people uncomfortable.  Some people brag about having "gotten" it, which tends to make me think they haven't.  Some demur when the subject comes up, which makes me wonder if they have.  And most describe enlightenment as the present moment.  Thich Nhat Hanh has said that enlightenment is simply being present.  He says that "Small enlightenment lead to large enlightenment."  Other teachers I've read and learned from say that enlightenment, or "enlightenment experiences", are when you gain true understanding of something you previously understood only as logic.  That it's all a gradual process of deeper understanding.  Specifically, for this post, I thought of Brad Warner when he talked of what might be considered his own enlightenment experience in "Hardcore Zen".  He said:

"I was walking to work along the Sen-gawa River, just like I did every day, when in an instant everything changed... ...But I can't really recall anything unusual, I was just walking to work."

Well, it was this deeper understanding that hit me like a bolt on Wednesday!  I was walking along, practicing my favorite walking meditation.  I was in the middle of some gratitude sayings, or prayers if you will, about my family when I got to my Dad.  I have this habit of listening to the sounds around me when I think of my Dad.  I listen for the "jazz" in the sounds around me.  The solo, I guess you'd say.  I listen for the part my Dad would be playing if the sounds around me were his band.  There's always something that rises out of it.  It's the lead sounds I'm listening for, never the rhythm.  Not the sirens, or cars, or cicadas.  It's usually the barking dogs, or kids playing or birds singing.  The things that aren't redundant. 

Anyhow, I guess my mind wandered for a second while I was listening for the jazz, when I slowed to a complete stop and stood there with my mouth agape.  Then - and this is where I won't be able to do a very solid job of explaining it - I suddenly gained an insight.  A clear, deep(er?) understanding of Shunyata.  And it came from relating it to music.  I realized that Music is not found in the notes, nor the space between them.  It's both.  Notes are spaces, spaces are notes.  Form is Emptiness, Emptiness if Form.

Now, this doesn't sound like any sort of great revelation and I've logically understood Shunyata (Emptiness) for some time now, but there is a difference between logical understanding and a true, deep understanding.  Most teachers I've read tend to describe "enlightenment moments" as achieving a deeper understanding than a "common logical" understanding on a subject.  They also caution, almost universally, not to get caught up in them and that they are no big deal.  But, as this happened to me, I suddenly gained a true deep understanding of emptiness and interbeing that spiraled through my mind starting with jazz. 

I simply can not explain it better than that, but I guess the shortest way I can try is to say that it was like I had a little idea about how music is a great analogy for Shunyata.  And then from that thought, it was like a doorway cracked open.  I peeked through, and got an even better look at the idea and how it related to Shunyata.  And that was when the door swung wide and I really grasped it all.

Then, as Brad Warner described so well in his book, I walked through the door, and kept going on about my business.  There's really nothing else you can do.

I feel I've done a really terrible job of explaining this.  Almost to the point that I don't feel this was even a worthwhile post.  But, hopefully, someone out there will understand it.  Maybe, with any luck, someone might even benefit from this sub-par explanation.  But most of all, the point of this post is not about Shunyata at all.  It's about Meditation and why a daily meditation practice is so important.  I've been doing this 28 Day Meditation Challenge to help some friends of mine kickstart a daily meditation practice.  When I try to explain to them the benefits of practice, they are so numerous, varied and wide-ranging that it gets hard to explain concisely.  This sort of stair-step deepening of understanding of the Dharma is one of the greatest benefits of meditation.

If anyone out there has any similar experiences, I would really love to hear about them publicly or privately.  Anyone?  Anyone?

#RealHappiness - Day 9 - Body Scan Meditation

I've had a daily meditation practice for close to two years now, so I was a little surprised by how helpful the #RealHappiness book, and indeed the #MeditationChallenge itself, were to me in the first week.  While I am already sitting, it is extremely helpful to practice these different methods and writing about it here has helped me consider the practice more as well.  So, going in to Week Two, I'm looking forward to the other various practices I'll be trying.

With that in mind, I worked around the Body Scan Meditation last night.  I knew going in to this one that I would face a challenge.  A while back, I went through a period where I switched from a sitting practice to a lying down method.  This created two issues for me.  First, when I went back to the cushion I found it extremely difficult to sit for very long at all without back pain.  It was as though I had started over.  I've worked through that, and I'm back to my normal 30 minutes of sitting per day now.  The other issue was that I would fall asleep at times.  Because I now sit in the evenings I am, of course, more sleepy.  It's far too easy when lying comfortably, to let the mind drift and then fall asleep. 

Knowing that I was very likely going to fall asleep, I made plans for that.  I used my Insight Timer App on the iPhone (one of the benefits I referred to yesterday of using technology to compliment practice) to keep me from falling asleep, or at least falling asleep for long.  I set up interval bells to alert me every five minutes.  I figured may not prevent sleep, but would at least allow me to "start over" as Sharon hammers home to us!

I was alert and scanned from the top of my head down.  My eyes, my face where I found a lot of tension and was able to release it.  And this is perhaps the true power of this kind of practice, or certainly a major benefit.  One thing I've learned with all meditation is that simply by observing or bringing your attention to a feeling, it will often simply dissipate.  If you have a painful feeling, sometimes just observing the feeling and acknowledging it makes it recede.  If you have tension in a particular area, often if you observe it, and maybe - as Thich Nhat Hanh teaches - view your pain the way a mother greets her crying baby.  The baby needs attention and she does not hate the child for crying, she cradles it and gives it attention and it immediately feels better.

I made it through without falling asleep, though I certainly drifted at times, but I just caught myself drifting, re-focused on the breath and began again.  It was a very interesting practice and I was happy to have done it.  I've only done a similar practice once before I think when I visited the Against The Stream Buddhist Meditation Society in Los Angeles where Pablo Das led a sitting meditation in which we focused on one area and then another, cycling through the body that way. I found that one much easier as it was sitting.

By the way, please keep in mind that I am experimenting with the various methods Sharon Salzberg offers in her book Real Happiness.  There's no requirement to do them in the order I am doing them or even to do them all!  For the Day 10 meditation I will be doing the Body Sensation Meditation.  See you tomorrow!

_/\_

#RealHappiness - Day 8 - Reflecting On Week One

Since yesterday was the eighth day of the 2012 Real Happiness 28 Day Meditation Challenge, I decided to follow the books lead and reflect on the first week.

After starting the book with some great information such as what meditation IS and what it is NOT, the first week of instruction in "Real Happiness" provides a gold mine of extremely important, deep, simple and very - VERY - useful information. 

At the beginning of the week, we started by talking about concentration.  Sharon talks a little about how we can't change the past, and can't predict the future, and about being in the present moment.  She talked about choosing a place to meditate, what to wear and a time to practice.  She talks about the posture, and how it doesn't have to be perfect.  About how the back is the most important part and how over time better posture will aid your practice.  She gives an overview of what the week will look like. And, finally, she leads us with some guided meditations and offers some variations of practice for us to work with.

At a glance, this all sounds very basic.  And while it is the basics, it is anything but basic!  It is fundamental information, but it's also things that you will use and expand on every time you sit.  Forever.  So I can't overstate how useful the basic info provided in week one can be.

• Meditation is not glamorous.  
• Your thoughts will drift.  
• When they do, come back to the breath.  
• Don't beat yourself up.  
• Just start over.  
• This IS the practice! 
• Don't get discouraged. 
• Mix up your practice.  
• Try different approaches.  
• Keep a sitting journal.  

All of these things, are supremely valuable and essential.
So, with all of this in mind, my Day 8 sit was a mixed bag.  I did the core meditation.  I followed the breath for a while.  I let go of thoughts for a while.  I did "Hearing Meditation" for a while.  I did Cradling the breath meditation.  I enjoyed it all.  I didn't choose this, I just let it happen.

One thing I would like to add here, is the use of technology.  This might sound a little strange when you're maybe picturing sitting with pillows and candles and bells and such, but I bring it up because toward the end of this section of the book, Sharon talks about keeping a Meditation Journal.  While I have an actual bell, I have found it much more useful in my practice to rely on technology for this.  I've reviewed in the past some of the meditation bell options, and there's been progress on many of them.  So I'd like to reference a few options here for you to consider.  I'm not promoting any of them, but actually use them all.  I am sort of waiting for new versions before writing any more reviews of them, so for now I just suggest trying them out if you have a smartphone or tablet and see if you like them.  More importantly, see if they HELP your practice.  They should AID you, not distract from your practice!

~ Meditate - Meditation Timer by SimpleTouch
~ Insight Timer - by Spotlight Six
~ Equanimity - Meditation Timer & Tracker by Robin Barooah

All of these are functionally great for using as a timer and bell(s).  The latter two also act as meditation journals.  Insight Timer is the least attractive, in my opinion, but the most functionality offering all of the above as well as a rather limited social media functionality (which if you are part of an online Sangha such as the Online Meditation Crew, makes it the most handy option).  The most important thing is that they all work very well to aid in timing and tracking your practice.

When I prepare to sit, I tweet my check-in to the #OMCru, I set the iPhone to Airplane mode to prevent interruptions and then I start my timer.  A bell rings to start me.  Three bells signal the end of the sit.  A journal automatically pops up for my entry then I turn on the phone and tweet my check-out.  It's painless, seamless and very, very useful to me.  I hope you will find it so, as well.

I look forward to the second week!

#RealHappiness - Day 7 - Letting-Go-Of-Thought Meditation

I decided to utilize the "Letting Go Of Thought" practice described by Sharon in "Real Happiness".  This is something I already do, pretty much since I started, but it's always good to approach it like it's new. Plus it never hurts to get different guidance on these things.

As meditations go, there's not much to tell.  I sat, I settled and I waited.  In the book, Sharon says to return to the breath any time you do get distracted, and that is exactly what I did.  For this kind of meditation, you will often hear people use some variation on the "Mountain and Clouds" or the "Sky and Clouds".  One that I have used often, and to great effect for me personally, is:

"Breathing In, my mind is the great blue sky.
Breathing Out, my thoughts are the clouds that pass by."

I am pleased to say that I wasn't too often distracted (probably because I've practiced this considerably) but I still found myself pursuing a random thought now and then.  This is perfectly normal, and happens less with time. When I did, I simply took a moment and re-focused on the feeling of the breath entering my nose and exiting.  Sharon gives really good, very simple and clear instruction on this in the book.

"We release a thought or a feeling not because we are afraid of it or because we can't bear to acknowledge it as a part of our experience, but because in this context, it is unnecessary.  Right now we are practicing concentration, sustaining our attention on the breath." ~ Sharon Salzberg "Real Happiness"

I did this for 20 minutes and it was, as it usually is, very calming and peaceful.  The last 10 minutes of my 30 minute sit, I was more distracted.  Or, not distracted so much by stray thoughts I followed, but more deliberately I started pondering specific thoughts.  Intentionally, I guess.  For me, sometimes, this happens in meditation where I will suddenly start pondering some thing, usually a problem I've not solved, and my mind will decide that the time is right to solve it.

So, for the last 10 minutes of my sit, I pondered a couple of issues on my mind.  Rather than letting go of these, I decided to sort of let my mind do it's thing and work on these problems.  Not really letting go of the thoughts, but rather sort of observing the solution taking place without interfering. It's rather hard to describe, but there ya go. 

The bell rang, and I was somewhat energized from my sit.  I ended up staying up later than planned as a result.  Not a bad thing, just a thing.

How was your first week of the challenge?

#RealHappiness - Day 6 - Hearing Meditation

So last night. on Day Six of the 2012 Real Happiness 28 Day Meditation Challenge, I decided to focus on the "Hearing Meditation" Sharon describes in "Real Happiness".  I actually do a similar practice quite often.  She invites us to "See if you can hear a sound without naming or interpreting it."  Simple right?

I actually utilize distracting sounds as the focal point of my meditation in order to prevent distraction quite often.  I started doing this early in my practice because I would wake early in the morning and meditate when the house was as quiet as it ever is.  With pets, a child, a spouse and living in the city it's unavoidable to experience sounds that can be distracting.

As an example, we have cats who would maybe start scratching on a post repeatedly or some such.  Another noise that was very minor, but which I found extremely distracting, was the hard drive in our DVR.  It would spin up now and then at odd times to record something and, me being a tech worker, catch my attention.  This points to the fact that these responses are learned responses and CAN be let go of, or at least handled differently. Only because I work with computers, where a hard drive sound could signal a problem, does this give that sound enough value in my brain to cause it to be a distraction.  Most people wouldn't even have heard it.   So, rather than getting annoyed by these distractions, I started turning my attention on them and just allowing them to happen, then observing my reactions to them.

This is been extremely helpful to me in building a practice in a distracting environment.  Now, almost two years later, I have been known to meditate quite happily in the middle of a parade crowd in DisneyWorld!

Well, last night, I followed Sharon's instructions around this practice and it worked well for the most part.  That is, it worked well in the way that it normally does for me, where I notice the sound and observe it.  Where this practice got tough for me was when I got to the part where Sharon says to "See if you can hear a sound without naming or interpreting it."  This is MUCH more challenging than it sounds.

This not "naming or interpreting" part is the key, I think, to the deeper levels of this practice.  It's simple enough to listen and observe sounds.  Getting to the point of hearing the sound, noting your response to it and then observing the space between those two is a great thing in itself.  To then not identify the sound is another level of practice altogether, though!  You've spent your entire lifetime learning that that sound outside is a bus, or a motorcycle or a dog barking.  To now try and hear the sound, observe your reaction to it and stop yourself from identifying it is truly challenging, at least for me! 

Anyhow, I sat listening to the television show my wife was listening to, the cars, the animals, the planes and so forth.  As I did, I realized I was paying so much attention to the effort to not identify these sounds that I was preventing myself from the rest of it.  The mindfulness of it.  So I relaxed, I allowed and observed.  I noted the space between the sound and the reaction.  And slowly, I started to glimpse the possibility of not identifying the sounds.  I very much enjoyed this expansion on a practice I already use regularly.  I expect I'll be spending more time on Hearing Meditation soon!

I hope your practice is expanding as well!

Be at ease!
_/\_

#RealHappiness - Day 4 - It was a good day!

In the words of the infamous sage Ice Cube, "I got to say it was a good day."

Yesterday my little Sangha had a field trip to a local spiritual book store, followed by a wonderful lunch at the World Peace Cafe run by a local Kadampa Buddhist Sangha.  My little girl got to know my Sangha mates and really connected with one of them deeply.  Following that, my wife took her to a hockey game giving me some free time which I used wisely.

A part of that wise use of time was to meditate for my fourth day of the 2012 Real Happiness 28 Day Meditation Challenge.  With the house, uncharacteristically, all to myself I prepped for my meditation (having added my new candle holder to my alter) and got started.  Or got stopped, I suppose, depending on how you look at it. ;)

Anyhow, it was very interesting.  First off the house was so unnaturally quiet that I could hear my body (sorry if this sounds gross) digesting my dinner.  So I sat with that.  For some indeterminate amount of time, I followed the sounds and sensations of my body turning my dinner in to fuel, and I observed the feelings and thoughts that came with it.  I offered gratitude for the process.  I've never done anything like this before and it was very interesting.

Eventually, I sort of fell away from that and stopped meditating long enough to launch a recent guided meditation and talk by Gary Sanders on Karuna.  Thus, I ended my fourth day of the challenge, having gained insights on compassion from Gary.  If you're not familiar with Gary, check out his blog, or follow him on twitter.  He's recently started recording his talks and meditations and has a handful of very nice ones to listen to.

See you tomorrow!
_/\_

#RealHappiness Meditation Challenge 2012 - Day 3

After a busy Friday at work, and a hectic evening, my wife reminded me at nine that I was normally sitting by then.  I hurried off to the bedroom, to the cushion, tweeting my check-in with the #OMCru on the way.  By the time I got settled on the cushion it was 9:03pm and I was really glad to be meditating.

I listened to a short guided meditation from the Real Happiness book, and when it ended I just sat following the breath.

It was a peaceful, uneventful sit with my attention drifting from one are of my body to another and observing.

Before I knew it, my timer bell went off and I was done.  Some days it goes by quickly like that.  It's almost hard to believe that 30 minutes has passed.

How's your Real Happiness Meditation Challenge going?  I'm interested to hear.  I hope you're finding the challenge beneficial so far.  Please remember the meaning of the name for this blog: 

Mondō: "questions and answers"; a recorded collection of dialogues between a pupil and teacher (I consider us all to be both)

Samu: Work service (in the sense of sutra service); meditation in work.

 

 

Right now, #RealHappiness is like this.

My daughter has recently started meditating with me for 5 minutes at a time. It makes me unimaginably proud to see her sitting by me in perfect, simple meditation. So funny that kids take so very easily to it. Obviously, for them, the hardest part is sitting still but the posture and instruction comes very easily. Anyhow she's started sitting with me for five minutes, now and then, before bed. Once she goes to bed, I usually do my full 30 minute sit.

Last night, on day two of the Real Happiness 28 Day Meditation Challenge, she was up far too late. She insisted that she wanted to meditate with me, which I thought was just a stall tactic for bedtime. She had already gone to bed and just wasn't asleep yet. I told her that I would meditate first and she could come in afterward if she was still awake. I expected she would fall instantly and deeply asleep as usual.

To my surprise, she did not. She called my wife while I was about half way through my meditation, and asked her if she could come sit with me. My wife quietly brought her in, and they sat together behind me, while I finished up.

So, Day Two of the Real Happiness Meditation Challenge was not as smooth as I would like for it to have been. But that's the practice. It simply IS whatever it IS. As my awesomely inked buddy Gary Sanders' tattoos (and blog) say..."Right now, it's like this."

Right Now, It's Like This

Sharon says, in Real Happiness, that whatever comes up you just sit with it.  Her guided meditations for the first week of the four week challenge are packed with extremely great, and simple, advice.  Very important things, such as a visualization that has helped me tremendously over the last couple of years where you imagine your thoughts as clouds and you as the sky.  The clouds come and go, but the sky remains still.  As she says in the book:

"If you get tangled up in thoughts, release them and start over. If you feel bored, or panicked, start over. If you can’t sit still, start over. If one day this week you just can’t find the time or the will to meditate, start over the next day." ~ Sharon Salzberg 'Real Happiness'

I would add that "If your wife brings your daughter in during your meditation, give a prayer of gratitude for how fortunate you are and start over." :)

So don't worry so much about your posture being perfect, or the noises, or the interruptions. Just sit. Daily.  And start over.

Sharon Salzberg's Real Happiness 28 Day Meditation Challenge 2012

"I am spiraling backward through space, and my "self" is not coming along for the ride!" was the first thing I *thought* during last nights meditation.  Of course, as soon as I *thought* it, I snapped back to *normal*.

I read Sharon Salzbergs "Real Happiness" several months ago, and liked it a lot.  I found it to be down to earth, simple and very useful for anyone new to meditation or looking to refresh on the basics.  I had already been meditating for almost two years, so I can't say the book was new information for me.  I already have a daily practice, and I think the book is primarily aimed at someone looking to get started and build the habit of a daily meditation practice.

That said, I really liked the format of the book, and I immediately bought a copy for a friend who had just started thinking of meditating.  I had it drop-shipped to her and she LOVED it!  She really found it to be a very easy to read and accessible book.  She's not a Buddhist, and is completely new to meditation, so this was a great review coming from her!

I've since recommended it to all of my fledgling Sangha members who are trying to get a regular (regular being the key word) practice going.

Two Hands Sangh

Anyhow, last night was the first meditation I had in February and I decided to take part in the challenge.  It was interesting and boring as usual.  I sat down at 9pm, checked in with the #OMCru (Online Meditation Crew) on Twitter, then launched my Insight Timer app on my iPhone and began my sit.

Almost immediately I had one of those interesting little events that one can experience.  As mentioned at the opening of this post, I felt as though I was spiraling backward through blackness, or space, in a slow lazy spiral.  In my mind, I could sort of *see* my thoughts - or at least what I perceived as my thoughts - staying where *I* was.  It was a very strange thing that I have not experienced before.  But the moment I noticed that this was happening, and thought "COOL!" the whole thing slowly evaporated leaving me just sitting there with my eyes closed watching my thoughts come and go as usual.  Oh well.  One of the things I have read in nearly every book on the subject is not to get attached to these odd little things.  They are just part of the mind and ego doing it's thing.  Or, as Jack Kornfield's teacher Ajahn Chah told him (from a story in "Bringing Home The Dharma") "Good.  Something else to let go of!"

The last half of my sit went by with the usual monkey mind and mindfulness and when it was done, I decided to post a quote from the book "Real Happiness" on my Tumblr site and I also decided that I would blog daily here during February about my daily practice.  I imagine most of the posts will be a lot shorter, as my sits are usually more mundane. 

Mostly, I hope that anyone reading this might have some curiosity about meditation and choose to join the Meditation challenge.  Just because you're late, doesn't mean you can't start!  Much more important than the challenge, however, I would highly suggest the book, and I would also HIGHLY suggest finding support wherever you can and getting a daily practice going.  The Online Meditation Crew is a PHENOMENAL resource for support, especially if you don't have anyone to practice with in the real world.  The folks in the OMCru are more than willing to welcome you and support you with tweets or Facebook or G+ posts.  I've made some great friends, even *IRL* friends through it, and it's an invaluable resource you can tap in to for support.  If you do take the challenge, and you do use Twitter - perhaps in conjunction with the OMCru - be sure to use the hashtags #RealHappiness and #OMCru to find all the folks doing the same!

So…go to the site, sign up for the challenge, and don't just do something…SIT THERE! ;-)

Gimme Samma Vaca!

I listened to a recent Against The Stream Podcast today (I highly recommend these free podcasts from the Against The Stream Buddhist Meditation Society as a resource of great Dharma Talks - Kick 'em a few bucks if you find it useful for your practice).  The Podcast was one by JoAnna Harper on Right Speech.  Samma-Vaca, I think, if you're keeping track in Pali.

Anyhow, the podcast was great.  JoAnna talks about all the types of wrong speech such as gossip.  She even goes in to things that she personally lumps in to that same category such as eye-rolling, door-slamming and so forth.  I like her talks and, as she's fairly new to it I guess, her down to earth and sincere vibe.  I especially liked that shortly after she pointed out that people need to learn to appreciate the silences and not feel the need to fill every moment with conversation (which she stepped right up and acknowledged that she used to do herself) she then muttered that she had to "keep turning pages" while she looked for something in her notes.  It was a very endearing quality to see her do exactly what she was talking about during the Dharma Talk.

Anyhow, it got me thinking.  Or, more accurately, it focused my lens on what had been running through my mind a lot lately.  I've had numerous situations lately where I've had to practice Right Speech very mindfully or have been keenly aware of the effects of Right (or wrong) Speech.

A couple of decades ago, a guy who was like a brother to me did many things which damaged his family and our brotherhood of friends.  I honestly, very seriously, considered him to be evil.  Evil like the devil, to quote from "So I Married An Axe Murderer".  So for two decades, I carried this fear and hatred around with me, and we never spoke again.  Until recently.  Recently he initiated a reunion, of sorts, and our brotherhood rallied together again in his home town.  I was in to the whole thing mostly to see the other guys I had lost touch with.  Building up to the event, I practiced a lot of loving-kindness meditation, and spent great quantities of meditation time pondering and practicing forgiveness, specifically toward him, so that I could get through the experience.  I fully expected it to go badly, but had hopes that we would at least get through it without drama.

I arrived in town and, after the gang got together, it was immediately obvious to me - let alone everyone else - that we had all lost out on almost two decades of friendship, fellowship and brotherhood because of wrong speech.  Unskillful words, and little else, had caused this.  And a LACK of compassion and a clinging to wrong perceptions, had perpetuated it.  In the end, open hearts and a lot of hugs had erased all the pain and suffering that those words had caused.  We all picked up where we had left off, and the reunion was one of the greatest, most healing weekends of my life.

I've had several other experiences recently that are similar too.  Old friendships that had been lost and rediscovered turned out to have been lost in the first place due to unskillful speech.  Old opportunities were missed because of a lack of using Right Speech.  Current relationships are protected from harm by the judicious use of Right Speech, my care for the latter having been now informed by the lessons taught by the former.  The list goes on.

Credit: Free images from acobox.com 

Thich Nhat Hanh says “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”  This is so very, very true.

Please check out the Dharma Talks mentioned above if you have the time.  Ponder this post.  Consider and meditate on Right Speech.  It's only one aspect of the Eightfold Path, but take the time to practice it and consider it.  Don't let unskilful speech cause you to lose years of relationships, or miss opportunities that could be life altering.  All of that said, I have no regrets.  As I've written recently, I firmly believe that everything is as it should be, but these are all things that you should experience and deal with skilfully for yourself.  I wish you the best, most skillful results of your own Samma Vaca!

_/\_

Everything Is As It Should Be

I recently enjoyed a reunion, of sorts, with a group of guys I started working with over 20 years ago.  Going in to this experience there were numerous opportunities for trouble.  There was a guy who battled addiction and has been clean for over a decade walking back in to the lion's den.  There was a guy who had been fired for being a jerk, and left numerous ruined and ravaged relationships with friends and family in his wake.  There were ex girlfriends attending this event alongside current wives.  There were guys who went on to have successful alternative careers, while others toiled away in the same career.  There were all sorts of things that made it challenging.  Two of the guys had spent those years on a spiritual quest.  They used to be united by this, but one found Christianity and the other Buddhism (that's me, of course) and are now, seemingly, divided by ones inability to accept the others ways.

In spite of all of these things, the weekend was stupendously amazing.  The bad blood washed away with hugs and handshakes.  The career choices mattered not at all in the face of a bond between this band of brothers that is still stronger than jobs and talent and charisma and which transcends time and practice.  Old flames were warm and friendly but cold by comparison to the heat of familial love.  Old demons cringed in the awesome power of life lived with love and presence.  It was simply, astoundingly, amazing.

It was rewarding for me to see in many ways, but watching all of this I couldn't help but be amazed by the dharma of interbeing everywhere I looked.  I looked around at these people who are really like a family to me, and I realized to my astonishment that any one of these great families, partnerships, friendships...any one of them...might not exist today if not for the choices we made back then.  Good choices, bad choices...they all led here.  And "here" was a beautiful thing.  It was just humbling and beautiful to see.

At the height of the celebration, in the middle of beautiful chaotic creativity, I stood - took a few deep breaths - looked around and smiled.  It was truly one of the greatest moments of my life.  I'm grateful, on this Thanksgiving Day, for all that has led me to where I am today and made me capable of seeing that moment for what it was.  I'm being intentionally vague here, in the interest of others' anonymity, but I hope you've followed the point.  The point is that everything is as it should be.  Enjoy it.

A list of Vegetarian Apps I thought was cool.

I saw this online yesterday and just wanted to share it with you all.  As you know, I promote the use of technology in helping us to lose weight, and if you're losing weight by becoming more of a vegetarian or if you're a budding Buddhist who's turning to a vegetarian lifestyle these apps might help out some.

Let me know if you have any successes with any of these you'd like to share!

Thanks!

Thank you, Thay!

I started yesterday off giving my daughter a box of 120 crayons (and there is little in life more exciting for a child than that!) and then going for coffee near home.  At the coffee shop she drew pictures for the employees, each of whom always treat her like a princess.  We went home to prepare for her belated birthday party, and while cleaning out the coolers we rescued a little tree frog who spent the day in the bushes outside our house in a meditative pose.

Tremaine, the tree frog, Meditating on life.

We then spent the entire day at the pool for her 5th birthday party.  We had many friends and family around and I spent most of the time in the pool with a handful of 5 year old kids alternately attacking me, then "saving" me, from getting swept away on the "lazy river" tide pool (I guess is what it is).  It was a great day of family and friends and FUN! 

Then I mowed our yard as soon as I got home and we had family story-time before bed.  What a GREAT day!  I'm writing about it because there were two things that were very significant about the day for me.  One was that I was extremely mindful the entire day.  That kind of mindfulness is really wonderful.  To experience it all day, and to be aware of it, was just amazing.  For many, it may sound crazy that I'm even writing about something so utterly mundane.  For some it will make perfect sense.  And for those of us who have lived with obesity, it will sound like a dream.  If you're thinking "So what?!  I am in the present moment with my kids every day and play with them at the pool all the time!" then KEEP AT IT!  Good for you!  Many people live their whole lives without being fully aware of how wonderful it is.  If you're of that obese group, and you've excluded yourself from family fun because of size, self-image or simply lack of energy, then I would urge you to read "Savor" or ANY book by Thich Nhat Hanh.  The simple, clear wisdom he delivers is life altering.  It was for me anyhow. We zip through life so much, so fast.  It is nice, for me, to be learning to slow down, and pay attention. 

The second thing that was so amazing about this day was that 1 year ago, I would have complained all day long about being outside in the 100+ degree heat, would not have budged from beneath the meager shade of the tables umbrella.  I would NEVER have gotten IN the pool.  I would have been mindLESS all day and miserable.  Oh wait...I did....I did exactly that, this time last year.  We had her party at the same pool last year and I was miserable inside, outside and couldn't have been any less so to be around.  Now, one year and 105 pounds later, I'm so different in so many ways, and the day was absolutely amazing! 

And to think...a little bald guy in a robe started all this for me by instructing me to stare at an apple, while eating it mindfully, and see the universe within it.

So thank you Dr. Cheung, for your wisdom.  Thank you Thich Nhat Hanh, and the Buddha before you, for your simple, elegant, eloquent teachings and flicking the switch on in my head!

A Fist Full Of Water

I visited a couple of dear friends last week, for a few days, and I was amazed by how a certain theme seemed to run through the weekend.  What was supposed to be a weekend at a friends house, turned out to be a weekend overflowing with interwoven lessons all tied together with a common Dharma theme.  It was a little odd, and yet not at all odd, and it really effected me greatly.  I thought I might share a little about it here.

These friends are both Christians, though each follows a different path to their connection to the "Kingdom of God".  They also have kids.  They've chosen to provide their kids with a foundation in their Faith, but that has turned out to be a real challenge for one of them.  Without getting in to it too openly in this public forum, suffice it to say that they are at odds over this to a degree and want to resolve it, but have been struggling.  It doesn't matter why, the point is that they have this struggle and it's not getting resolved.

Add to that, a few other challenges.  We have a mutual friend who's lost in life and is creating challenges for himself and others due to his own dukkha.  We discussed work related problems that my friend is facing.  We discussed all manner of things.

The thing that struck me as so interesting, and compelling, about all this is that early on in the weekend we were discussing some people we know who are addicts.  In discussing how they've found God through recovery but now just seem to struggle with addiction to God, my friend mentioned how these folks we were discussing get caught up in their "White Light Experiences" where they "See God" and then spend their lives clinging to and chasing that.  He speaks with authority on the subject, I'll leave it at that.

We talked about how they seem to lose themselves in their religion rather than getting the point of it.  His point was that a lot of new Christians come to the religion in their lowest times, and they have some sort of religious experience (such as "seeing God") and then they spend the rest of their lives - or until they eventually "get it" - trying to cling to that experience.  Since we were talking specifically about addicts who find religion at the time, I agreed and said that I see the same thing in Buddhism.  I see a lot of Buddhists who experience an "enlightenment" moment, and then spend years trying to get back to that in their practice.  I said that they "have that moment, and then grasp and squeeze it" (this was how I conveyed attachment to him) until it runs through their hands like water, rather than cultivating the conditions for those moments to happen more often and learning from them when they do.

This theme, whether regarding addicts or workers or marriage, recurred over and over throughout the weekend, and in to the following week.  Each of these things that came up, ended with the realization that the person in question (sometimes one of us) was squeezing a moment of clarity rather than being present in that moment and learning from it.

I had the great pleasure of spending time with each of my friends individually over the course of the weekend, and was able to practice deep listening with them both.  Through that, and some mindful walking with them, I was able to witness my friends wife express her challenge verbally and openly and arrive at a solution which she credited me for helping her to see.  I didn't really do much, except listen and give her back what she had said to me, but in a slightly different way.  My advice essentially amounted to "You already know what you believe, you just need to stay connected to that in this situation instead of going in to it as if you are looking for what you already have!"

It was so beautiful and I felt privileged to be a part of this process for her. It remains to be seen if the solution will be effective, but at least when I left them they were both aware that they are aiming at the same target and had a new way of trying to work together to get there. Initially they were at a complete disconnect, feeling they were travelling in different directions.  When I left, mostly through deep listening, they were talking openly to each other about the matter and felt very connected.  Amazing.

Since I returned, we've spoken some more about the other issues that came up during the stay regarding some of our mutual friends and the challenges they face.  Also about the challenges those friends challenges are causing the two of us!  And again this theme of squeezing to tightly to what we want came up.  Both that we are grasping tightly to the outcome we want for our project, squeezing tightly to the idea of our friend as he once was rather than as he is now and to our desire for things to be other than they are seeming to be.

I guess all of this is really just a long winded way of saying that I was greatly enriched by watching the Dharma unfold over the last week, and being able to be keenly aware of suffering, of attachments and how they cause said suffering, and that letting go of those attachments leads to the cessation of that suffering.  It happens like this all around us, all the time.  It was a treasure to be so awake to it!

I feel as though I've only rambled here and not expressed my thoughts well, but I hope they've been of some use for you.  This quote from Thich Nhat Hanh came to mind often over the weekend as I thought of the interconnected nature of all these things:

"Enlightenment, for a wave in the ocean, is the moment the wave realizes it is water."

Five Spare Tires

(I apologize in advance for the crazy length of this post.  I've written and re-written it many times.  I've been struggling to write it and to express what I have to say.  Ultimately, I made the decision tonight to just put it up and be done with it.  I'm sorry it's so much, but it's my great hope that someone out there will find it motivational and that it will encourage them to find their way.  If you're that person, looking for a way, then read on!)

You ever try to visualize what weighs the amount of weight you have lost, or want to lose?  For most folks it would be a small hand weight.  Maybe a good sized bag of dog food.  Here's a short list of items that weigh the same as how much I have lost.  Try to visualize these things, and carrying them around with you, in your head.

~ ONE WHOLE FRIEND OF MINE!
~ THREE of my four year old daughter.
~ FIVE 20 pound bags of Dog Food.
~ FIVE SPARE CAR TIRES!!!
~ TWENTY average bags of potatoes!

 You get the idea.  It's a LOT!  I don't point this out to pat myself on the back, but to illustrate how CRAZY it is that I was walking around with all that extra weight!  It's easy to look in the mirror and just see your "self".  But I promise you that if you look in the mirror while standing next to a stack of five car tires, it really drives it home what you are doing to your body!!!

On July 3rd, 2010, I stepped on the scale as I left the house for a vacation.  I was dismayed by the digits it reported.  THREE HUNDRED FORTY NINE POUNDS!  You can read all about that day by clicking here.  I'm not sure exactly when during this day I vowed to do something about my weight, but I did.  I swore I would never hit 350 pounds.  That's when I discovered "Savor" by Dr. Lilian Cheung and Thich Nhat Hanh.

By the time I finished reading "Savor" I had stopped the train, and thrown it in to reverse.  That train had been gathering momentum for over four decades, so it didn't happen instantly.  It slowed.  It stopped.  It switched gears.  And then, with a shudder, it lurched ahead, back the way it came.  The weight started coming off that first day.
My initial goal, to lose 100 pounds, was randomly chosen just based on one simple thing.  I asked myself what it would take to make me feel like I had a fighting chance of living a healthy life.  At 349 pounds, 249 sounded like a dream, but it also sounded like the most I could weigh if I wanted to live long enough to enjoy my family, watch my daughter grow up, and all the other things I would like to do.  Anything more felt like failure to me, and felt like not being serious about it.  ALL I was really after was survival, which at the time I was seriously starting to question my chances of.

I've blogged before, often, about the various tools I have used to lose weight and assist me on this journey.  The primary app I have used is LoseIt!  When I started using it, it asks if you want to lose 1 pound a week, or 2.  I chose 2 and it calculated that I would hit my goal in one year. Unfortunately, I didn't make a note of what day that would be.  I've always assumed my "start" date as July 3rd, when I saw my 349 pound weight.  In reality it was around July 23 from what I can tell in LoseIt!'s web site.

At first, the weight was coming off incredibly fast at several pounds per week.  Then, once I lost about 60 pounds or so, it slowed to a few pounds, and then a couple of pounds per week.  Ultimately, toward the end, there were some weeks where I didn't lose any at all, and I started wondering if I would hit the goal on time.  What was happening is that my goal was nearing the end, so the calories were pretty
well balanced out with what I was burning.  Ultimately, it took me about 11 months - almost precisely - to lose 100 pounds!  I can't even pretend not to be pleased with myself here, so forgive me that little self indulgent pat on the back now.

So here I am, at about 248 as I write this, and I am definitely still very much over weight for my size.  Don't get me wrong, I look and feel GREAT compared to where I started but I still need to shed a little more.  When considering future goals, I decided not to have any.  What I have found is that throughout this process, I have lost weight without much effort (more on that later).  Since I'm not on a diet, and I'm not doing anything specifically special to lose weight, I decided that I might as well just keep going with what I am doing.  The weight has already leveled off considerably, and I figure if I just keep up the efforts I am making, the weight will come off - or it won't.  Either way, I win.  At some point my body will be at a naturally comfortable weight, and meanwhile I can focus on starting to exercise a little more than my current walking and Tai Chi Routine.

People seem divided in to two camps immediately upon hearing that I have lost so much weight. One faction immediately assumes I'm on some crazy diet.  They can't believe when I tell them I eat whatever I feel like eating, that I finish every night off with a big bowl of frozen yogurt and that I'm NOT on any sort of diet, per se.  The other faction is of the mind that I have super-human strength and will-power, neither of which could be further from the truth.  When they say "yeah, but you're the most strong-willed person I know" or "you have such tremendous dedication" I always have weird reactions emotionally.  I get simultaneously insulted and proud.  Proud, because it feels good to hear this and I like to think it's a little true, although it's really not very true.  Insulted because it's so NOT true that I get a little offended I guess because I'm not getting credit for the proper thing.  They are crediting me with having the will-power to resist eating poorly, but they should be giving the credit to Mindfulness.

When I tell them "Mindfulness", in answer to their inevitable "How are you doing it?" question, they always look at me a little funny and immediately dismiss me as a crackpot, or so it seems to me.  They almost look like they think I'm about to sell them something.  In fact, that's EXACTLY what they think.  Bottom line though, I lost this weight by doing many things, but especially by being mindful as taught to me by Dr. Lilian Cheung and Thich Nhat Hanh in "Savor".

The secondary thing I credit my success to is watching my calories closely which can be done in any number of ways.  The way that worked best for me (and I tried MANY) was the LoseIt! app.  It's worth noting that the app improved massively over time, and especially improved it's web site over time.  The web site can be used FULLY without a phone, so it's really great now for anyone (not just us iOS users). I fully believe that if you use mindfulness, the rest will fall in to place naturally and organically with little to no effort.  The effort will come from trying to implement mindfulness which, to the degree that I have so far been mindful, was fairly easy for me.  When asked, I tell people (to their absolute and utter disbelief) that it was no effort at all.  My standard answer to "How did you do it?" is always the same - "Mindfulness".

While I am not a doctor, and have no authority with which to offer anyone advice on weight loss, I CAN speak to how it worked for me, and that is it.  One of the things I love about Buddhism is that it discourages you from believing what someone else tells you is true, and encourages you to experience it for yourself and then decide if it is true.  "Be a lamp unto yourselves", the Buddha allegedly said in his final moments, directing us to seek the knowledge from within, rather than from external sources.  Or, for you Christian readers, perhaps another way to say it is "The Kingdom of God is within".  Either way...try mindfulness out, and see if it works for you.

It's obvious (and if not I've written numerous blog posts about it that will explain) why I decided to lose this weight.  But what I would rather talk about is the not so obvious reasons why.  I'm grateful that I have lost this weight because:

~ I might live longer
~ I have already become a significantly better father.
~ I like to think I am a better husband.
~ I have confronted the one thing in life I've always felt powerless to defeat.
~ I have gained control over my eating habits.
~ Countless other reasons I can't begin to list.
~ I am more aware of life, and each moment it offers.
~ Perhaps most of all, I'm extremely grateful to have discovered Buddhism through this most unexpected of paths.

So, in summary, Please - If you want or need to lose weight, but think you can't do it - go get a copy of "Savor" and, well, SAVOR IT!  Read it, absorb the information, read it again.  Then just DO IT!  Start with the Apple Meditation and then repeat that type of mindful eating each time you sit down to eat.  You will not succeed every single time at being completely in the moment, but when you are not, just re-focus the next time.  And repeat.  And repeat.  And repeat!  Before you know it, you will be well on your way.

Savor every moment of life that you are fortunate enough to have.  If you do this, I am walking evidence that you WILL lose the weight, and it's NOT some impossible goal that only that other guy over there has figured out how to do because he's some super strong willed guy.  And it's not something that only that other girl over there can do because she's on some crazy fad diet.

But don't take my word for it.  YOU already know exactly what to do, you just have to be mindful so that you know when to get out of your own way, and let your brain and body take care of themselves properly!  You'll likely find that they will.

Best wishes and warm regards to you in your efforts!  And special thanks to all the folks who rooted for me!  It was a big help, and you know who you are!

MS